2. Coffee and breaking the word

I could try to justify my actions by explaining how extremely tired I was Friday night, after working a 50+ hour work week in 4 days, and having a long, 3.5 hour drive ahead of me. I could explain how when it comes to this, I usually drink a bunch of mountain dew because it keeps me awake and I like to have that security when driving. Then I could drag you along on the mental track that led me to wonder how Mt. Dew is sooo much different than coffee, if I were to drink either one for the caffeine content.

But really, that was just the final straw, the end result of a long line of thinking, one that began, really, with curiosity. Oh the curiosity, the wonderment of this beverage that so much of the population consumes on a daily basis. What, exactly, is so special about this product? I have had coffee before, a long time ago, but recently I have been filled with this desire to understand, to experience the wonder that is the coffee bean. Does that seem silly? It kind of is. But I have really been thinking a lot about why I do what I do, and why I don't do what I don't do, and when I made the decision and if I'm going to stick to it now. It's really a moment of re-definition, and this was something I just had to do. Like that itch you have to scratch, or the craving for See's candy nothing else can satisfy.

I left Provo about 8 PM. I knew it would be a long one, and I was already struggling to keep my eyes open. So I went into the gas station with the decision made; I would do it. I would buy coffee. So I got to the little area, saw the familiar hot chocolate, then saw the coffee. Oh no! What was this? Not a convenient little machine I stick my cup under to let the ambiguous liquid froth slowly into. No no, several coffee pots, labeled different things and, more importantly, waiting for me to grab and declare my sin. I looked around, a man was coming! He was getting coffee!!! I dodged around to the other side and pretended to be looking at sandwiches and string cheese. Finally, he was gone. Phew! I went back, I grabbed the cup, I contemplated "Brazilian bold" or "Colombian something" or whatever else. I looked at the creamers, I stalled in the sugar packets, and in the end, muttering, I got some cocoa and walked out, defeated.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't sin. I felt a little proud of myself. And also felt that my death was at hand, for hot chocolate would, if anything, put me to sleep faster than without. Off I went, to finish the last of my errands before leaving town. I decided I needed some food to munch on then, to keep me awake and stopped in at Macey's. Wait! Macey's has a little back area. Maybe they would have an incognito coffee machine I could use. It wasn't too late! So over I went, and indeed, they had a hot chocolate/cappachino machine. Toasted marshmallow or some other milk variety. I did it! I got a toasted marshmallow, consoling myself with the uncertainty about whether there is actually coffee in these things or just roasted milk. I also got some jerky, then left the store.

That toasted mallow was good! And though I tasted no coffee, I could tell almost instantly it had some sort of pick me up in it, because it did pick me up. I felt great. I started to feel more awake within minutes.

After driving a bit more, in Heber, I believe, I thought that it would be my last chance to get anything, and I wanted to caffeinate myself thoroughly early on, so it would wear off and I could sleep later that night, so I marched right in there and poured myself a cup o' joe. Took quite a while flavoring it right, adding creamers and sugars and whathaveyous. Doesn't taste good without. But then I left, my joy overflowing, with my tasty coffee that has a strangeness to it, but also a delightful lightness hot chocolate doesn't have.

I turned the music off for this drive and just talked to myself for about two hours. Made plans, thought about my future, man I felt great. Have you ever wondered how people have so much energy? Well stop wondering. It's coffee. It's miraculous, seriously. I felt alert, chipper, in a better mood. I know this sinful delight was passing through virgin coffee lips, so it probably was more potent on me than it would have been, but I honestly understand now why people drink it and feel so good afterwards.

I will get to more of the morals in a second, but let me just clarify that I didn't sleep at all that night. I got home around 11:30, energized as the bunny, and went promptly up to bed. a week of non-sleeping and hard working had left me exhausted. Pooky came up to sleep with me, and he certainly didn't help the situation. He kept poking me, moving around, tickling my arm pits. But restless cat or no, there was no denying I was wired and would not be sleeping anytime soon. Still, I dutifully tried, all night long, until 6 o'clock rolled around and I heard my parents get up. To be perfectly honest, I think the caffeine was still working in me at that point, cause I felt great and such for about an hour, then it dropped me and I was exhausted. Much grumpier with the fam, very tired and uninterested in everything. This was where I thought...hmm. On the one hand, having some more coffee would be great. Pick me right up! I know how my parents do it now, sneaky little buggers. But on the otherhand, I really don't want to need a substance to wake me up. And I really don't intend to become a coffee- drinker, though I can see how quickly you could get addicted. So I had no more, and I slept my way through the rest of the weekend.

So what now? I broke the word of wisdom, all for a whim, for a let-me-do-this-thing-i-shouldn't. That was probably not good, although I don't regret it at all. Somehow I needed to do it. And I'm glad to understand the coffee. It angers me a little, to think that people cruise through life with this wonderful bonus to help them through, while I trudge away everyday worn out. I wish I could give myself over to chemical control. I mean, I know Mormons who willingly down rock stars and other energy drinks every day, and I think...hmmm. That would certainly help me finish my route and the other 9 hours of work I have to do today.

But then, I don't want to be that person. It's just that its sort of ridiculous how I don't keep the word of wisdom at all, yet would only feel guilty about drinking coffee. What about all that sugar I eat? What about all the other crap I put in my body? Who decided what was worse, what was hugely sinful and what just recommended against. What I want to do is eat absolutely healthy for a while, and see what that does to my mood and energy. I would like to try a natural alternative, before giving in to caffeine and the like. To live all the way the healthy way I should. And if I can't do that, then I'll have to look at what is best for me and what isn't.

Anyhow, it was interesting and eye-opening. This experience taught me that I do want to be obedient. It's just who I am, and I feel more comfortable doing it. But I want to know why from now on, and I want to view others who live differently more accurately. So there it is.